The one where I reminisce about how big an impact a sit-com has had on my life
Being the immense success and global phenomenon that Friends was, there is probably not a lot I can say that hasn’t been said before. But this is a good a time as any to share my two cents.
After a gap of many years, the untimely death of Matthew Perry last year, and reading his autobiography, got me hooked to the series again. So for the past 3-4 months or so, I re-watched the entire 10 seasons, ending with the Reunion.
On conclusion, I have no choice but to label myself a die-hard fan.
From random to binge
It began by randomly, and almost stealthily. This might have been before the show had yet aired in Europe, at least a high-school friend had gotten hold of a tape (VHS, of course) with episodes which we watched into the small hours one summer night just before the holidays. I still remember this first glimpse of something amazing. It was it was about young people, it was relatable, it was very, very funny.
Friends quickly became a hit, of course, and I would watch it whenever I came across it on TV, at home, with friends, or even at my grandparents’ house on summer holidays.
But something changed when another friend gave me a DVD with the first 8 episodes. Before that I hadn’t really known you could watch a series back-to-back like that. Binge-watching was not a part of my vocabulary back then, but I definitely embraced the concept.
And what sealed the deal was the file-sharing craze of the early 00’s, where I discovered I could eventually download all episodes and watch them back-to-back. (I would later purchase the box-set years later, partly to offset my bad conscience from the illegal downloads, partly for re-watching.)
I would sometimes watch it with friends, occasionally even doing an all-nighter, but it also became a habit of mine to end my day with a few episodes, or more.
‘My’ friends
Rewatching it now was a return to something familiar, and it made me remember how deeply this series has impacted my own sense of humor (even consciously or unconsciously quoting the characters), my bond to America (although always strong), and my connection with pop culture of the late 90’s and early 00’s.
To some degree, as others have also commented, this group became my ‘friends’. Not that I lacked friends per se, but the perfectness of it all was an easy and comforting way to relax and experience ‘passive’ friendship, without commitment – and get a good laugh at the same time.
A mirror on your life
Being this deeply immersed in an environment, you inevitably picture yourself as part of the group. Who would I be? I always picture myself being as funny as Chandler, although I fear being just pitiful like Ross. Who would I have fallen for? Definitely Monica. What about you?
What is also interesting, though, is how I mirror myself differently in the cast, based on the different phases in my own life.
At my first viewing, they group were older than me, and I would envy the beautiful, successful people and look forward to that phase of my life.
During my 20’s, the group became peers to a larger degree, and I could relate more closely to some (not all!) of their dilemmas.
But now, in my 40’s, watching Friends is unequivocally about looking back, with some nostalgia, and any comparisons with myself is in the rear-view mirror. Did I make the right choices back then, could I have prioritized differently? (Probably not.)
Outdated jokes and enduring comedy
What I also have to conclude is that Friends is still very watchable. The millions of viewers streaming the show to this day like me would agree.
Of course time takes its toll. The technology is a dated now, with computers clunky and geeky, and smartphones and the internet pleasantly absent. Fashion has changed. Having such a close-knit group of beautiful, all-white, successful people living in Manhattan is hugely unrealistic – but that was always part of the charm (apart from the race thing).
Some things make you cringe today, like the incessant fat-shaming or the fact that anything gay or trans was always the butt of a joke. But remember the time: Friends was also the first time a lesbian wedding made it into mainstream TV. Although partly a joke, The One With the Lesbian Wedding actually added a window of normality to something that was previously unthinkable and marginalized.
But more so than not, this is just fantastic writing and fantastic acting. Charmingly crazy situations, absolutely brilliant one-liners and great physical comedy.
My favorite parts are when everything comes together in intricate storylines and surprising endings like The One With the Red Sweater or The One Where Everybody Finds Out.
Beauty in the binge
Yes you can watch Friends one episode at a time, but the real beauty is watching the character arcs and overall progression. And despite the silliness and one-sidedness of it all, the actors made these characters so real you just had to love them.
So in the end, suffice to say that Friends were also my ‘friends’, especially for a period of my life. And while mourning the passing of Perry, I now know from re-watching the series that the magic does in fact endure. Nearly 30 years later, the lyrics from the theme song still ring true: “I’ll be there for you, like you’re there for me too.”
Kenneth Birch 