disillusion

happy or sad
joy or mourning
pitiful or compassionate
shallow or pensive
partaking or contempt

my face cannot show what’s inside
for i don’t know

heaving to and fro
like a boat with no anchor
no captain
no steersman
no navigator

i may be manic or perhaps schizophrenic
or am i just stupid
not able to see what’s already there
not appreciating the blessings i have

the thin red line i once had blew away long ago
i have no connection
no direction

there’s nowhere
nothing
no one
no reason
no answer
no question

(5.12.4)